Many EFFECTS

You've heard of the Mozart Effect, i.e., listening to Mozart increases

one's spatial IQ

BUT, have you heard of the ...



LISZT EFFECT: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really

says anything important.



BRUCKNER EFFECT: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself

frequently. Gains reputation for profundity.



WAGNER EFFECT: Child becomes a megalomaniac. May eventually marry his

sister.



MAHLER EFFECT: Child continually screams - at great length and volume -

that he's dying.



SCHOENBERG EFFECT: Child never repeats a word until he's used all the

other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talks backwards. Eventually,

people stop listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to

understand him.



BABBITT EFFECT: Child gibbers nonsense all the time. Eventually, people

stop listening to him. Child doesn't care because all his playmates

think he's cool.



IVES EFFECT: the child develops a remarkable ability to carry on

several separate conversations at once.



GLASS EFFECT: the child tends to repeat himself over and over and over

and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over

and over and over again.



STRAVINSKY EFFECT: the child is prone to savage, guttural and profane

outbursts that often lead to fighting and pandemonium in the preschool.



BRAHMS EFFECT: the child is able to speak beautifully as long as his

sentences contain a multiple of three words (3, 6, 9, 12, etc).

However, his sentences containing 4 or 8 words are strangely

uninspired.



AND THEN OF COURSE, THE CAGE EFFECT -- CHILD SAYS NOTHING FOR 4

MINUTES, 33 SECONDS. PREFERRED BY 9 OUT OF 10 CLASSROOM TEACHERS.